sticks and stones

it just breaks my heart that people sometimes only see the down side...or imagine one, rather than encourage and uplift. i know no one is perfect and everything here on earth has its flaws, but Father God!-please repair breeches and mend broken hearts. lift up the down-trodden and bind wounds. may we throw off any hindrances to seeing Your beautiful face. it is my heart to encourage and uplift and pour out into lives. may i not singlehandedly destroy and discourage and dry up, but ever seek Your face and unity among the Bride of Christ.
it is interesting how immediately our hearts and minds cling to the negative. i know if i hear say, 10 complements and only 1 really discouraging comment, i always remember the bad before the good. or if i do get torn down, i can remember the exact words years later. and sometimes, words are inspiring. and i can remember some of those exact words years later. it is really remarkable how powerful the tongue is. James says just like a bit guides a powerful horse, a rudder guides a huge ship, and a tiny spark can burn down forests, the tongue has the power of life and death. (i'm not looking at a Bible so you might want to check on the specifics...chapter 3 i believe?) so small and so influential.
Jesus use my words to fill this darkness with light and cause hearts to soar like eagles. may my words bring life and peace and love, not death and dissension and hate. watch my heart. find any impure motive or thought in me and shine Your Light on it so i can surrender it for You to fix. except for the sin, choice to surrender, and desire to receive all You have, i have no part in this deal...i can't do a thing about it. i can't even see where it is i am in the wrong most of the time, much less heal what i know is broken. bring Your power and Breath to my life.
there's a lot to do today. multiply my hours and energy. alleluia

the half smile

back in athens! sometimes i wonder if i have ever stayed here all weekend. not in a long time anyway. its kind of gross outside, at least since i looked an hour or two ago. i'm not really sure why, but i am about to bust. this light, this huge unexpressable joy just wants to jump out of me, and i don't really know how without just yelling and running around this panera and just plain freaking everyone else out. maybe my eyes are shining. hope so anyway. i've got this perpetual smile thing going on...you know, like when your eyes are smiling and your mouth is in a general upward direction, but you aren't really smiling yet...the 2 seconds before you just bust out with a face-splitting smile. anyway. enough disection on the smile. i have to read three chapters from my polysci book today, and i'm so glad to go into it with this kind of mood. maybe it will be interesting...maybe not, but either way at least i'll be smiling! i want to live the life that is truly Life! i want to Love and Laugh and Live and Give today! thank You, Jesus, for playing me my song this morning, right to my heart. fill up this day with You!

sleep. or lack thereof

so apparently this lack of sleep is getting to me. overslept again today. and took a FOUR hour nap after classes. that is remarkable. and i am tired as we speak! i speak...whatever...but Jesus got me through this week. and He will get me through next week. just like Micah says, "we will walk in the name of the LORD for ever and ever." (ch 5) off to see a best friend in b'ham tomorrow morning...and off to get some more sleep tonight! adios

falling into grace

Jesus is so good. somehow, despite many things going wrong from the moment i woke up this morning, He just held me through it all. and He will keep on carrying me, cause right about now, i don't think i can make it through my homework tonight and classes and test tomorrow.
please show up in a clear, tangible, mighty way, Lord God. i need You desperately. definitely feel like i'm falling on my face. i'm falling into grace...

hurling and swirling

ok so this day is only going to get more crazy. the only, and i stress, ONLY way i will get through the next 24 hours is the beautiful face of Jesus. i am confident He will show up. Salvation is here...(smile)....i am so excited about the passion bundle. just have to figure out some problems with my credit card first.
i do have to say that most of the time, any conversation that keeps you talking until 2AM or later is usually worth all the tiredness and any, ahem, unkempt appearance the next day. and charlie hall's release was amazing. read this really cool verse in Jonah today. Jonah 2:3 "You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all Your waves and breakers swept over me." very cool picture, i think. i want the Lord to do that to me...i want to be hurled into His depths, to the very heart of His grace and beauty...i want His currents to swirl, undeniably about me...i want all of His waves and breakers to sweep over me...all His love, His wonders, His revelation, Himself. just a thought before i become owned by biology for a while. it is so hard to concentrate in classes like bio and polysci...i was sitting there today thinking, i wonder what cool things God is up to, and what i can be doing when i get out of here...and i have to be a student of excellence today mostly. so. you know, you can't win them all i guess. Jesus already has. Jesus surround me with Your Deep.

mind boggling

well the week rolls on and all the tests are piling up...bio and chfd then a paper and polisci. i'm such a bad studier. is that a word? God keeps showing up, every day, multiple times, in all His Greatness and at the same time showing His attention to the minute details of making me smile and sharing an inside joke. pretty cool to have an 'inside' thing with the Creator of the universe. i don't really get that. in fact, i think my mind shuts down a little bit when i try to imagine it. but i think that is the way it is supposed to be.
so often i find myself standing there in worship thinking, Lord, i hear this and i sing it, but i know without a doubt that i don't understand the depth of its meaning and truth...so i give you what i can, and i acknowledge it's not much--just what You've given me the grace to understand--but its Yours. it is so glorious to feel so small.

standing on the edge of something large

all i can say is our God is AMAZING.

Standing on the edge of something large.
As i wait, i soar like an eagle
As i fall, over the edge
And You catch me with Your Breath in my wings
And i fly as i dive into Your grace
Jesus come take over me; show me Your face
Breathe life into Your dreams that i may taste
A life on Your scale; glory unveiled
As i wait, i soar like an eagle
As i fall, over the edge
And You catch me with Your Breath in my wings
And i fly as i dive into Your grace
Jesus come fill me up with all that You are
Come put flesh on Your Love; give me Your heart
To know and make known Your name and renown
As i wait, i soar like an eagle
As i fall over the edge
And You catch me with Your Breath in my wings
and i fly as i dive into Your grace

how does the time get away?

well, i did it again...running, that is, and amazingly enough the ipod worship method to running is not just a one hit wonder. maybe i can do it after all. somehow after planning on being in bed by, oh right now, or so, i am not even in my room, nor have i done the reading for my class first thing in the morning. wonderful. BUT. God is still so faithful in the midst of my stupidity and faithlessness. oh He is faithful. ok well no super deep thoughts today...off to read my homework so i can be a student of excellence...i think i'll look at this lack of sleep as just another opportunity for me to be completely dependent on Jesus. more tangibly anyway. polisci awaits! english too, but who's counting...

sleep

man. i am just exhausted tonight. it is really freeing to just be yourself, goofiness and all. yep, that's about all i got. it is remarkable how blurry your brain can get, and how little sense real things make and how much sense irrational things make when you are tired. sleep is a great thing that i think i need. so here i go. thank You Jesus for watching me as i lay in my ridiculously lofted bed tonight. thank You for making it so we have no choice but to be helpless and unaware for (ideally) a third of the day You give us. thank You for being huge and in control and not letting me be anything but very small and not in control at all. i sleep in Your arms tonight.

English Autobiography

My name is Kelly Elizabeth Spitler—one of the thousands of faces you see here in Athens. What makes a name more than a number, or transforms a face into a person? I think it takes just a little time and effort. Hopefully, the next few minutes I spend sitting in front of this screen, showing a glimpse of my life beyond my status as a freshman at the great University of Georgia will accomplish something to that end.
In all honesty, I am a jumbled combination of contradictions and consistency. With the exception of one year living in the Philippines, I was born and raised in Georgia. Much of my life as a child was spent in bleachers or behind dugouts, happily reading or playing in the dirt while my older brother and sister played baseball, softball, basketball, and every other sport known to man. I balked at the family tradition of basketball stardom and opted to be the most uncharacteristic cheerleader, instead.
While I love to curl up with a good book, talking over coffee might be one of my favorite things of all time. I love to listen and observe quietly, whether in a crowded room or in front of teary eyes. I hate to be the center of attention, but do not mind speaking up when necessary. Music of all forms captivates me—whether singing, playing, or listening to it. My faith and my Bible are the most important to me, and I aim to live so my words match my life. I love to laugh, and need to do so more often; I hate to cry in front of boys, and am glad that does not happen too often. The stars leave me speechless. Lakes, oceans, mountains, and plains make my heart come alive. I do not look at flowers, blow dandelions, or climb trees—all those things that are beautiful and possibly childlike—nearly as much as I ought or want. This is a glimpse of me, perhaps a bit more than you wanted, but me, nonetheless.

Running is Beautiful...Who Knew?

wow. today started out good, but kind of confusing. journals are so wonderful because you are talking to God, to yourself, to an inanimate object, so it is ok to let out grief and questions and secrets and hardships without sounding crazy or ungrateful. like your head, where you can think all you want, except writing things down helps sort them out and go through different stages of thought or emotion.
that's what i did today. started out confused and discouraged...wrote through that. i guess i kind of always have to go through what i'm feeling, then what i know to true, and come to some kind of conclusion. it is so divinely unfortunate that the people i long to love and encourage the most have the hearts that are farthest and most fortified. my conclusion was that everything is peripheral (sp?) to the burning desire to know and see my God. however impossible things seem, and however defeated and helpless i feel...it is of no consequence as long as i am flat out running towards His shining face. and right now i am at that place...i want everything He has for me, all of Him...to see Him and know Him, to hear His voice and walk in His Presence all day long, to reflect His radiant beauty to the world around me and become more and more like Him as i fall deeper in love. so i don't really care about distant people or impossible dreams. i want to look through everything with the lense that God is mighty, and He will take care of the rest if i just die gloriously and rest furiously in Him.
after this revelation, i went to lift and run...and might i say that i have not run in at least a couple of months. i despise running. but i actually ran about 3 miles, which i think is unprecedented for me. (as the dedicated runners gasp). but the beautiful thing is that i loved it. like LOVED it. i was using my ipod for the first time ever(yes i am quite behind), and i cannot even describe the thrill of running for my King. listening to the likes of Shane and Shane and hymns and old Passion songs, it was a time of worship for me like i have never experienced before. it was a tangible way literally to run after the Lord. i'm sure the other people at the gym were giving weird looks as i mouthed the words and got totally into the songs. at least i'm almost positive i was just mouthing. but it was a beautiful, wonderful revelation and time of worship. i hope i will not lose sight of the truth of the perspective the Lord let me see today. He truly has the whole world in His hands.

A Woman of the Truth

it is so hard not to be able to take away someone else's hurt and struggle. to see things clearly from outside the bubble and not have the ability to transfer that clarity of thought and purpose and intent. and then on the other side, it is so hard to see clearly in the muddiness of emotion and human reason. Thank You, LORD, for not abiding by our ways and thoughts!
Sometimes it is kind of hard to live a triumphant life under the shadow of a bar it seems like you will never measure up to. Thank You for eternal grace!
i love the prayers of 'shout to the north'..."Men of faith rise up and sing of the great and glorious King; you are strong when you feel weak, in your brokenness complete...Rise up women of the truth! Stand and sing to broken hearts; who can know the healing power of our awesome King of Love!" that is in my heart...we are called to rise up! to stand up, and to minister to broken hearts in song. You are Rapha, the Healer, and the King of Love. i am broken and defeated before You, Glorious King, so i stand strong in my weakness. Make me complete in brokenness and finish the work You have started in me. Tear out, strip away, uproot, all of me in my sinful flesh and replace it with Your Glory, Your Grace, Your Beauty...Yourself.

captivating

so what is it that makes emotion so acceptable to some and unacceptable to others? why does something in me feel so girly when i cry? i'm a girl. i'm also so glad that i can call the Almighty God "Daddy" and He holds me in the palm of His hand. i'm just plumb worn out. but He is my strength and my joy, and He is bigger than the sky and He catches every tear. to steal a line or two from Captivating, i hope i reflect the beauty of God's heart, and am utterly captivating in living a life where my heart is already won. He is my defender and He fights for me even as He calls me to fight for others.
off to write a biography...how to capture myself creatively into 300 words?...

Be

you know, i wasn't really sure what i would do this semester seeing as my soul friend moved out and is going to england, but the Lord has completely taken care of me and provided amazing new friends and chances to get to know the old ones better and spending time with my sister and the list goes on! big surprise there. why is it that no matter how many HUGE God-sized things He does we are always amazed when He comes through again and again? i am SO bad about that.
Satan is so tricky. (big surprise there, too) He keeps trying to steal my joy and wear me down with doubts and accusations. My God is big and He is strong, and even when i fail (which is quite often) He is enough. Enough to pick me back up, enough to save the day, enough to win my heart. may i live a life as Big as You are and dream dreams as Big as You are! Be my joy, be my strength, be the place i fix my eyes. Be.

smiling's a big deal, if you didn't know...

well aren't i just becoming quite the regular...to my lone commenter, thank you. that was just the encouragement i needed.
yea for 722! and God's Hugeness!maybe in reverse order...
its remarkably sad how normal it is to go around campus in your bubble without interacting with anyone or smiling or making conversation. i guess it surprised me that in a school with almost 40,000 people it could be so isolated. BUT. it is SO fun, as i am learning, to break out of that mold and talk to people and even (gasp) smile hugely and sincerely. people just don't know what to do with themselves. you would think that holding the elevator is some mark of sainthood. but. i intend on trying to be as much like Jesus as He can squeeze into my little body and then some overflowing and oozing out my eyes and hands and mouth. that's quite the picture there. wonder what that would really look like...hopefully i'll find out.
well, i am going to go complete my nerd-dom and read i little (oh, just for fun) before i head out into the world! (aka alpharetta). and i wish all of you out there a most SPECTACULAR day, and that you (and i) would absolutely relish running at a breakneck speed into His Marvelous Light.

what are widgets?

well, with half of the first day over, i can't help but wonder what the semester will bring. it's like i'm looking over the edge of something huge, with gravity just about to catch up with me and send me tumbling, but soaring with wings like eagles. i don't know if i can really do this. take that back, i know i can't. but maybe minute by minute and hour by hour i'll remember how big He is and He will be my joy. yikes i need to go to sleep earlier...quite a few 8AM's. off to polisci...ahh He is my joy!

sovereign grace and chocolate milk

well i was thinking, and it is so interesting to me how personalities do or don't come out in emails or posts or any type of written statement. seems to me that for lots of people, myself included probably, only one side predominantly comes out. if i only post when i am thinking deep thoughts no one would ever know i love chocolate milk and playing in the rain. among other things. i guess there's a balance, and i hope i can find it. even if this thing is predominantly unread and unknown to most of the world, i think it might be a fun journal type of thing. so if you stumble across it, beware, because you will probably get a huge mess of dreams, quirky thoughts, God-sized happenings and little me-sized problems.
today i've been begging the Lord quite a bit to increase my faith and shine His face on me. He is in control and above all powers...above all my hopes and fears. as i gear up for another semester in athens, i'm really excited and really scared. i know it will be a life-changing semester just like this last one and the one before that. every 6 months or so i seem to look back and think, wow, God has never moved in such a huge way in my life before...and then i think the same thing 6 months later...so who knows what this next step will bring, but here i go

maybe i'll try that again...

ok so i realize i sound incredibly pessimistic and unjoyful...and it would be so terribly consistent to forget a lesson so soon after learning it. The Lord is at work in and around me more than i could ever have imagined or asked for(Eph 3:20). He's showed me a little glimpse of His dream, the dream of the King. He is the Revealer of Mysteries (Dan 2) and in Him is everything necessary for Life and godliness(2 Pet 1:3)
if any of you happen to see this little blog, and are looking for something in your time with the Lord, Daniel is an amazing book. for a little free advice.
maybe my problem is that word "little". God's dreams are BIG and His plans are BIG. i need to ask and expect BIG Huge, God-sized things from this Indescribable God. "The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it."(1Thess 5:24)

and i begin...

so...i'm wondering what the point of posting is, considering no one will look at my newly created blogspot...feeling like quite the nerd here. but. whatever. here goes nothing...