Matt Wertz [a-ha moment]

Ok. So this is the very cool God lesson from the midst of the craziness previously mentioned.

Wertz introduced a song he wrote when his grandfather died, and as he was playing it, it looked like he was living in that moment again--the pain and loss right after his death. I guess you could try and say that musicians are just emotional and expressive when they perform anyway, but I am convinced that what he was singing was connecting with his heart and his memory. And then it hit me. It does not die. Music, lyrics, just Art in general. However long he waits to play a song about his grandfather, he will always be taken back to that time and place when he sings it. He will remember the feelings, remember the pain. Not necessarily live in it, or not be over it, but it will all come back.
Is this making sense? It is a very 'duh' thing, but it is one reason art is so important. For me, personally, it means that when I write songs or poems or whatever, when I draw, when I create, it captures a moment. Sometimes I can go back and look and remember exactly how I felt and what was going on when I did it. Others, it just takes me back to truth I have learned and forgotten, or to different parts of my heart or God's heart. But whatever I was trying to capture, or unintentionally set down, it is there. It does not die. In God's reign, His chunk of purpose--which really encompasses everything else--it is crucial. It's like He was saying, Kelly, this is true, and this is why I want to write music together. This is why I want to flow out of your pen, and onto the page, into the air. Because I made music and song and art this way, I can use it to capture My moments. I can use it to connect to your heart and all of those in the future. I mean, we sing songs from men of God from centuries ago. Who knows how long this earth will last, but for the first time, it clicked that God wants us to create for those who come behind us. Whatever 'creating' looks like for you. Hopefully this makes sense. I'm still rolling it around in my head and trying to figure out what exactly that means and why the Lord turned on the lightbulb in the first place. I am tired. But He has been my Warrior today, and I have been able to tell, and, in turn, fight for others' hearts. Jesus make Your words, Your heart, come alive in me and through me.

Matt Wertz [crazy happenings]

I WISH YOU WERE HERE. Somehow when listening to music, the lyrics are all that go through my head. Sometimes.
Ok. Got to press pause. this will be a LONG one.
Matt Wertz. Before last night, I had never really listened to him much. I really like his stuff. You might ask why exactly Molly and I would drive to ATL to get to a concert at 10, and then drive back in the same night. I asked myself the same question about halfway there. And I don't really have an answer, but it was so worth it. It was good to get out of Athens and laugh a WHOLE lot and listen to some good music and meet some cool people and have some CRAZY experiences. So. Here's a play by play of the night: After finding a parking spot--i SUCK at parallel parking--Molly and I run--yes, full out RUN, folks. in high heels down a hill. to meet Linds who has our tickets. Molly and I arrive at the Loft and I left everything but my phone and keys in the car, thus not having my id, thus having to pay more money, which I also did not have. And some random guy swoops in and says he will cover me, and we go upstairs and he pays for me and disappears. then we go find the spots Erica saved for us. Suffice to say that Linds and Molly are not short girls. This resulted in some rather unhappy girls behind us. I've never been called those things before, much less repeatedly by someone right behind me in close proximity. yikes. So Matt plays and it's great. After the show two drunk men--and by 'men' i mean well into their 30s--approach with the pick up line:"so that was a f*ing badace show, wasn't it?" Brilliant. Molly proceeds to introduce herself as Mary, Linds as Leena, and me as Sarah. All freshmen from UGA. Upon which the taller guy remarks that we will be sucessful in life, no matter what we do, because we are beautiful. Right. Molly knows this guy that works with Wertz, so we waited around to talk to this kid Jason, and, in the process, met several other people. [insert several other funny stories]. Molly gave me a piggy back up the hill to my car. On the way out of town, we are sitting at a stoplight, and Molly freaks out and covers my eyes. Why, you might ask? Oh, that's because the man driving the truck next to us decided to, ahem, expose himself. freely. We make the essential stop for Mcflurries because all the starbucks are closed and its 1 in the morning and i have to drive back. And that was some of our night. but now, on to the serious part. actually, I think I will just make it a separate post...

Psalm 13

I mean really? Did I really just delete my post when I was almost done? I need computer lessons.
SO. I don't think most of what I had to say was important enough to repeat, but the jist of the unimportant things is that school is almost over (YES) and that SOON I will be in Russia (YES). God is going to do some crazy stuff in and around me and everyone else over there. Exciting stuff.
And now to the important things...and they would go into the very large "Unimportant" category of words coming from me, except they are about the Very Most Important One.
The attribute of the day, coming from Psalm 13, is Above. God is above. He is Above in power and in Strength. He is Above in greatness and glory. He is Above our hopes and fears. Above the world, the stars, and the whole universe. He is Above our thoughts and ways. Above our understanding or comprehension. He is infinitely Above. His "Above-ness" is not impersonal or distant though. He is also Above in love. He loves more than anyone else could or would or does or ever has or ever will. What a dizzying thought--that the very God who IS so far Above us all, Above the smallness of me, so much greater and most worthy, is the same God whose love and compassion and grace and mercy is Above--and unfathomably outweighs the love and compassion and grace and mercy of all of us teeny people.
[so interesting how you can set out to write one thing, and then it just takes a life of its own and turns into something completely different once you start typing...]
This morning I just had to sit there and think, ok, so You are Above. Psalm 13 is David asking how long, LORD, how long? Four times, he asks how long God will take to act, how long his enemies will win, how long before things make sense. And there are some things that don't make much sense to me. A whole lot of things, actually. But the very fact that David and I are asking the same question, thousands of years apart, does not tell me that God is unfaithful, but that He is, and always has been, and always will be infinitely Above. It does not mean I will get my answers, and i don't know how things ended up with Dave, but I think I'll join him in saying
But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me.
I mean, can I say that again? His love is UNFAILING. I trust in it. His salavation is sure and complete. I rejoice in it. I will sing with my heart and soul to the Lord of Hosts, Jehovah, for He has been so good to me. So I give You my question marks, God. You are Above. I sing for You.

HAPPY EASTER

THREE CHEERS FOR EASTER! and three cheers for finishing my last paper of the semester! not in all caps of course, but exciting, nonetheless. and now some thank you notes to write. Jesus is ALIVE. He is GLORIOUS. i am tired, and He is going to watch me as i sleep. Wonderful reality.

Nails

Such small, dirty nails physically held Jesus to the cross. Crazy how something a little smaller than the size of a remote can cause so much pain and suffering, and hold 170+ lbs in the air. Tearing and stretching. And yet. The nails are not what held Jesus to the cross. His love, His great love, for you and me, held Him there. He CHOSE to be there. He chose to lay down His life. So we wouldn't have to.
I don't know about you, but I am far too numb to this far too often. But the moments when I get it, it's like...Ah!...mind-blowing stuff. My life would be so different if I got it all the time.

aquatic gathering anyone?: why i say no.

say hello to the crispiest gal east of texas...(what?)
first intentional and prolonged time in the sun today for, i don't know, a really REALLY long time. with no sunscreen...smart, i know. and now i have some spectacular stripes and bathing suit lines to show for it. and some VERY red skin. but. i remember now why i usually avoid laying out. among other reasons, such as large groups of people, bathing suits, being in the presence of large groups of people IN bathing suits, sights of others in bathing suits, the completely awkward knowledge (whether real or imagined) that EVERYONE sees you practically exposed...no secrets, and the unspoken competition(?) among girls and flaunting/flirting between the sexes, reminiscent of middle school pool parties or PC at spring break. nope, i don't have a soapbox, nor a particular distaste for certain inevitable aspects of summer in these parts.
i really wasn't planning on complaining or venting or whatever that was, and it just came out. focused on God as being Unrivaled today. Focused praying that over my life and others. That Jesus, who truly is Unrivaled in grace, truth, power, wisdom, love, knowledge, strength, patience, and everything else, would be unrivaled in me. That i might give no thing, no emotion, no person, no dream His rightful and unrivaled place as first in my life. Why on earth would we even want anything else? but we do. i do.
Jesus--take Your place
fill Your throne--my heart
be Unrivaled and Unmatched as You are
You ARE. iamnot.
may i worship You as i ought
offer me as i am
fall to be lifted up
open my arms to be embraced
tear down Your rivals in me
and be Unrivaled

Lessons Learned...and Forgotten

looked through some old journals yesterday. It is so weird and interesting to me that while I look back and see how I've grown and changed, I also can look back and realize I've forgotten things I learned and am not as passionate in certain ways or areas. How humbling. We truly never stop growing, and no matter how much we grow there are things that we have to remember and re-learn. It's also been rather interesting and encouraging to realize how much I can learn from everyone. EVERYONE. As humans, we all reflect a unique bit of light from our Father--believer or not. So in my pursuit of God, it is imperative that I seek and find Him in everyone and everything around me. Or at least beg of Him to reveal Himself so I can glimpse Him. All of that means that every person you and I see, talk with, interact with--stranger, friend, annoyance, loved one--has the stamp of the Creator. We are often told that in reference to ourselves, and it is so true, but it is true looking out too. We can see a glimpse of Jesus' eyes sometimes simply by looking into theirs. I've been realizing this with people I love lately...just looking at how they have taught me to love different facets of God and His people. I mean, I'm still pretty shabby at keeping my eyes open, but I'm glad the light bulb is on, at least.

baseball and whitey tighties

YES for the Passion06 cd. (!!!!) makes me happy to listen to. ok so at some baseball games i went to today, we sat under pine trees. Did you know that little worm/larvae things fall out of pine trees? I didn't. but they do. and they squirm and wriggle. yum.
I was at the aforementioned baseball games with one of my BEST friends who goes to school in VA. It was very good to hang out with her.
Another thought...as i sat in the bleachers, and the different guys were going up to bat, i began to wonder how on earth they would wear boxers with such tight pants. and i'm no expert, but i don't think whitey tighties are the status quo...and then i remembered the boxer briefs and how they save the day. i promise i don't think about this often, but i saw a line from some whitey tighties and it set my mind on that road. i did not share these thoughts with anyone sitting with me, and perhaps i should not have shared them here and now, but oh well. off to change my clocks!