home

well...i am home at last. getting more normal all the time. it is still kind of weird though. everything is the same, but everything is different. no time to expound at the moment, but hey. i just need Jesus. don't we all?

Moscow

Everything but right now
and one hour ago seems so distant

my mind goes places i wish it wouldn't
and i pray my heart does not follow

at least as my stomach increases
so does my view of Your face

cleanliness is not an option
outside of the shower and our souls

learning daily about babies and boldness

kareokee down the alley
singing us drunken Russian lullabies

strip club down the stairs
and prostitutes up the elevator

gather my thoughts, he says
what are my thoughts?

time has flown and crawled
my heart has soared and been dragged
through the mud puddles we sidestep
every day

a piece of this dirty, bustling
city is in my heart forever

it reeks of humanity and beauty;
lost searching, striving souls

the Sun is coming up in Moscow;
the winterland of Russia is melting to
show the potential for life beneath.

countdown...

we leave in less than a week! so crazy to think i am almost done with the adventure in Moscow. two more days of class. tonight the girls are going to a kafe for dinner and some extended talking time. the guys are going to the bana again...like a sauna type deal...boys and their naked time...and watching gladiator. tomorrow is our team shindig and we'll share all we learned and eat and have LOTS of fun. we are fun people:) Ashley leaves thursday and we'll have our last english club...friday is debriefing...saturday is saying goodbye to our russian friends and going to the ismaliada park (really, i have no idea how you spell that) for souveniers and sunday is packing! off to the airport at about 4 monday morning with a layover in frankfurt. i actually might be able to meet my dad for breakfast in germany! that's exciting. he has a layover there for 2 days and said it might work out. haven't seen him in a while. and i don't know when i will see him again. (ps he is a pilot). i think i need to apologize ahead of time for any impatience or frustration on my part when i get back home. a few minutes ago, ash and i were talking about it, and i think it might be kind of a difficult transition back into the American culture or materialism and indifference. or maybe it will be easy, sadly enough. but i DO think it will be hard to some degree, to go from living over here literally to tell people about Jesus and live for Him, and go back to so many things that are unimportant yet so many think they are vital. so i need to find a balance, maybe. but i guess it's not like we've been in Africa with NOTHING. Russia is definitely a culture obssessed with appearance, but we kind of stick out anyway. actually, sidenote, apparently i look like a Russian. a few of our friends here have told me that. not sure what to do with that. just say cool, i guess. ok. i think i might post a little something i wrote just to remind me of what it is like here, the good, bad and ugly.

Love

Christ glorified and the body unified
in the most excellent way

loving truly and fully only in
understanding the fullness of Your love

a love that doesn't fail, doesn't rest,
doesn't quit

that loves the ugly, imperfect
and indifferent with passion and perseverance

that pursues retreating figures
and vanishing backsides

that knocks on closed doors and
hurdles stone walls before breaking
them down from the inside

trust and hope on the darkest of nights
glory for heartbreak

from perfect Fathe to fellow beggar
let this love flood out of my God-sized holes
and seep into the cracks of broken lives

Glory

living, breathing, walking, weeping
it's for Your glory
at school, at home, half the world away
it's for Your glory
blistered in Red Square, lying in my bed
it's for Your glory
every moment, each breath to the next
it's for Your glory
when i'm tired and lost
when i'm afraid and even more afraid to cry
let me remember it's for Your glory

that's why i am here
Moscow, Russia and planet Earth

it's why i can feel my heartbeat
through my teddy bear
it's why i will wake up in the morning

i want my mist to matter
and You want it even more

in You, for You, by You
that's what i am

War

It's a fighting kind of day
warring on my knees and in my heart
a battle for truth and peace

With divine power to demolish strongholds
weapons not of this world
tearing down walls, banishing lies
freeing captives and binding wounds

fighting for hearts, fighting for light,
fighting for love

freedom from the prison of your mind
freedom from the past
freedom to be who you're made to be
freedom to rest in His arms

even when i don't know how,
my spirit is fighting.
Satan will not win the war nor the battle today

at the end of it all, tired and bloodied,
together, we'll stand

Unthinkable Invitation

soo weird. we have less than 2 weeks left of our trip. ok random plug...if you ever get the chance, i INSIST you listen to Unthinkable Invitation from Louie Giglio at 722. i mean wow. i listened to it last night for the 2nd or 3rd time, and every time, it hits home. all too often i am flat-out indifferent to the affection of the God of the universe, Who is in RELENTLESS pursuit of my heart. i mean wow. He wants to hang out...to come into my world, wherever i am, whatever i am doing...just to come in and be a part. and it is so ironic that i don't realize that when i am sitting here trying to take part in His big Story. He wants to be a part of my every day life--getting coffee, riding the metro, driving my car, interacting with my team, my family, strangers--as i am a part of what He is doing in my world and in the world. How amazing. How humbling. What an invitation. So right now, we are hanging out at the internet kafe at novasloboskaya. I can't even tell you what a difference it makes simply to be aware of His Presence. i guess that is just kind of like walking in the Spirit. so the fruit comes out from who knows where, and there's love joy peace patience kindness goodness gentleness faithfulness and self control. crazy how that works. now if only i could do that all the time...

Foreign

Foreign tongues singing me to sleep
Foreign language impossible to read
Foreign purpose makes me fall to my knees

Alpha and Omega, today, yesterday and
forever the same
Be God of this land and God of my heart.
Do not be foreign here.

for Him

while my family is most certainly NOT perfect, i am really glad my mom and dad have raised us all to be...shall we say...not high-maintenence? it really has helped me so SO much with adjusting to this different culture and surroundings. despite no hot water and dusty rooms and rotting mattresses and insane pollution, Russia, or Moscow, rather, is becoming normal to me. and i guess it should 3 weeks into the trip. CRAZY. almost half way over. we are taking a train to St. Petersburg this upcoming weekend. i have heard it is absolutely BEAUTIFUL...gateway to Western Europe. ok well i am off to try and call my mom and some others. another week of ministry and stretching and growing other kinds of God activities. and another thing...the other day i really realized that I exist for God. i am halfway across the world to tell people about Jesus. i live and breathe solely for Him and because of Him. i mean i have always heard that and known that, but the other day, it really hit me. yeah. the breath i just took was for and because of Jesus. and the next, and the next hour and the next day, and week and month and year. hopefully i will keep on realizing it more fully, day after day, whether in Moscow or Athens or Cumming. ok really going now. paka friends.