a little flashlight on the soul
somehow i always end up procrastinating. thus, here i am, at 2 something in the morning, still awake and going. ah well.
just listened to alex's cd in the background of my work. i really like it. so good to see linds again today. realized i have some issues. (SURPRISE). alas, i wonder if i will ever live from a completely free heart. i cling to Him completing the good work in me that He has most definitely started.
Realized today that i am afraid to be completely me. to me all of who God made me to be around everyone. somehow i feel the need to restrict myself to being more serious or quiet or mature--just thinking and listening a whole lot of the time...which is not all bad, and definitely a part of who i am, but not all of me. i am quirky and weird. i make outrageous comments and, at times, poke fun. i think a lot, but i have a lot to say as well. i am silly. i am goofy. i talk in funny voices and am really scatterbrained at times. i don't always finish my sentences, (thank you trish, for always reading between the lines and understanding "kelly" language) much to the confusion of some around me. i get really really excited sometimes--too excited to coherently speak, and excited enough to jump up and down and clap once or twice. i like to spontaneously break out dancing. and a bunch of other things that are me.
once again, it seems i have simply talked about myself. but on second thought, it is not so much about me as it is about who exactly God has made me to be. Who He wants me to be. i am not there yet. but i want to keep running after it with all my heart, eyes fixed on His glorious, beautiful face. By my fear and excuses to live out the Life in me, i have elevated what men think of me over what God thinks of me. the most basic of things, that i would tell you i did not have a problem with. i do my own thing. i don't care what people think. oh, but no. i am above nothing. read in John about the Pharisees valuing praise from men over praise from God, and i thought, wow, Lord, don't let me do that...all the while thinking that i don't. and...you get the point.
add all this to another very not-small revelation concerning my heart and another relationship, and i am plumb worn out.
Jesus today i am tired. i need Your music to come and inspire. i give myself to be refined in this fire. Jesus, today i'm so tired.
and You'll come again, with a shout. like a theif in the night, You'll come riding on clounds. finally, the voice i had followed for life has a glorious face that is lit up with light and You'll come for me.
no more pain, peace; no more fear, release...just lost and consumed with my Glorious King
one of my favorite songs to sing. and hear. Charlie is great. adios my friends.
just listened to alex's cd in the background of my work. i really like it. so good to see linds again today. realized i have some issues. (SURPRISE). alas, i wonder if i will ever live from a completely free heart. i cling to Him completing the good work in me that He has most definitely started.
Realized today that i am afraid to be completely me. to me all of who God made me to be around everyone. somehow i feel the need to restrict myself to being more serious or quiet or mature--just thinking and listening a whole lot of the time...which is not all bad, and definitely a part of who i am, but not all of me. i am quirky and weird. i make outrageous comments and, at times, poke fun. i think a lot, but i have a lot to say as well. i am silly. i am goofy. i talk in funny voices and am really scatterbrained at times. i don't always finish my sentences, (thank you trish, for always reading between the lines and understanding "kelly" language) much to the confusion of some around me. i get really really excited sometimes--too excited to coherently speak, and excited enough to jump up and down and clap once or twice. i like to spontaneously break out dancing. and a bunch of other things that are me.
once again, it seems i have simply talked about myself. but on second thought, it is not so much about me as it is about who exactly God has made me to be. Who He wants me to be. i am not there yet. but i want to keep running after it with all my heart, eyes fixed on His glorious, beautiful face. By my fear and excuses to live out the Life in me, i have elevated what men think of me over what God thinks of me. the most basic of things, that i would tell you i did not have a problem with. i do my own thing. i don't care what people think. oh, but no. i am above nothing. read in John about the Pharisees valuing praise from men over praise from God, and i thought, wow, Lord, don't let me do that...all the while thinking that i don't. and...you get the point.
add all this to another very not-small revelation concerning my heart and another relationship, and i am plumb worn out.
Jesus today i am tired. i need Your music to come and inspire. i give myself to be refined in this fire. Jesus, today i'm so tired.
and You'll come again, with a shout. like a theif in the night, You'll come riding on clounds. finally, the voice i had followed for life has a glorious face that is lit up with light and You'll come for me.
no more pain, peace; no more fear, release...just lost and consumed with my Glorious King
one of my favorite songs to sing. and hear. Charlie is great. adios my friends.
posted by Kelly | 2:26 AM
1 Comments:
Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the comment. I welcome any thoughts and additions.
Thanks too for your willingness to be bold in your vulnerability, it's refreshing not to get caught up in the pretentious behavior the world calls us to. Boast only in Him.
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