JOY

it is so amazing how a change of heart can happen in mere seconds. i was sitting there at lunch, being not-so-joyful, and felt the need to go pray for this guy...and when i did my heart went from not-so-joyful to thoughtful and seeing the big picture. then i walked up the hill to my lovely residence and came into the computer lab, wishing my wireless works in my room, still being not-quite-joyful. and my sister called...her hello lightened my heart, and her laugh shook my mood off...and my laugh made me very-joyful.
i feel like every single day is a struggle. there is ALWAYS, or almost always, an hour, a couple of hours, or even just 20 minutes, where i lose sight of the BIG picture and find myself discouraged and mundane. it really has to be You, Jesus, all You. i realize more and more every day that i can't do this life by myself. how You'd have me to, that is. i need You. DESPERATELY. so so desperately. i want to be real; transparent and vulnerable; free from pride and stuffy fronts that shut the world out. i want to cry and laugh and love. i want to give and to Live. make my heart come alive today!