very tired. inside.

this morning was quite the exhausting and unexpected event. who knew it would come up and she would go there...that she would challenge me and probe and confront and offer advice and be all wise and bold and stuff. wasn't really expecting it at all. many tears shed. many remembered wrongs and hurts. i forgot about them all while in russia, and even before that at school. maybe let it go some? ah, the Lord has His work cut out for Him in me, that's for sure. recently, i keep realizing, more and more, how far i have to go...how long it will take...how little i know and how much i have to learn and grow. it's remarkable really. and i miss lindsay! so much. i know she is learning and growing and struggling and having the time of her life in Africa.
sometimes it is so exhausting to actually verbalize my thoughts. it makes me tired just thinking about trying to put words to ALL the ideas and thoughts and reactions and opinions rolling around in there. and it is so so comforting to know that Jesus knows them all already. even the ones i don't quite know are there. and suddenly, i am very tired and not wanting to express these things anymore.